Money and Relationships – Here’s How to Talk to Your Partner About Money

Few phrases kill a romantic evening faster than “we need to talk.” And even worse, “we need to talk — about money.”

Most people would rather talk about their weight than their financial situation. Yikes.

But whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been together for a while, communication about money is important. Research shows a direct correlation between overall relationship happiness and frequency of communication: 78% of couples who talk about money once a week report being very happy.

We don’t really know the hows or the whys, but the research speaks for itself and demonstrates that talking about money is crucial to the health of your relationship. How, then, can you go about it in a way that effectively communicates your goals, boundaries, and feelings around the subject? Here are a few good places to start.

Understand your own relationship with money first

There’s a reason why researchers have spent so much time studying exactly how much money you need to “be happy,” and it’s because money is an emotional topic. If you’ve ever felt that sinking feeling in your stomach after seeing your credit card statement, you’ve already experienced the visceral impact money has on our emotional lives.

It’s important to understand your own relationship with money first. Maybe money was always scarce when you were growing up, so your instinct is to save rather than spend. Or, maybe it was never really an issue, so your spending habits are a little less controlled than your partner’s. But either way, it’s good to be in tune with your own relationship with money before you start to understand someone else’s.

If it’s new, talk about money from the start – make it organic!

Maybe you’re going out on your first date, or you’ve seen this person a couple of times, it’s important to bring up money from the start. If you’re willing to splurge and spend some money to have a good time, make it clear! Say something like “I’d like to invite you to dinner, on me.”

Or let’s say you’ve planned a few dates, explain that for whatever reason (you’re trying to cut down on expenses this month, or you want to invest a little bit more) you were thinking of taking it easy and watching something at home with dinner.

The important part of this is honesty. Communicate your feelings openly from the beginning, because that’s what’s really going to help get you to understand each other’s side of the story.

Things are getting… serious?

As you start to learn more about each other, you can also start discovering what good or bad money habits you might have (also a good opportunity to recognise any potential red flags). But understanding each other’s financial weaknesses and strengths means becoming better partners for each other in every aspect of your relationship. You can then start to approach your money goals from a teamwork mindset. For example, “Our goal is to save $500 this month, so let’s skip going out to dinner or the club, and cook and enjoy drinks at home instead.”

You can also come up with easy ways to hold each other accountable, like rewarding yourselves each time savings are automated at the end of the month.

Decide how accounts should be handled

Joint or separate? That depends on your emotions when it comes to your own money. If you sharing your money could lead to resentment every time your partner makes a purchase, then keep your accounts separate. If sharing your money makes you feel more like a team, then open and share a joint account. There’s also nothing wrong with sharing a joint account, but also managing separate personal accounts, too.

The bottom line

Talking about money doesn’t have to be difficult. Having these conversations with the one you love is crucial to a healthy relationship, so it’s important to have them sooner rather than later, and with the right approach, you can both have fun, too.